...and I don't really care. I found out that a girl who is 4 years younger then me, I used to babysit her for crying out loud (her sister was my childhood best friend and a year younger then me) is pregnant. yup. that would be my heart under those tractor trailer tires over there. Now I have now idea about her path to get here, Lord only knows if her and her H of 1.5 years were trying or not but really - to be perfectly honest I don't really care. It's just not fair. it's not. I was upset, angry and yes even bitter and jealous when her sister (my ex-best friend) got married before me, got pregnant before me and now has 2 daughters, but now even her sister is passing me, even her little sister is getting what I've been dreaming about for years. SUCKS.
yeah I know this doesn't take anything away from my own chances. I get it. But right now I'm pretty fucking angry about it.
I'm not sitting in a corner crying about it, I'm not curled up around a tub of ice cream surrounded by a sea of snotty tissues, I'm not getting trashed....I'm not sad. I'm angry. I'm pissed. I'm jealous. And I'm not sorry about it.
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I'm sorry. I know it hurts.
ReplyDeleteYou have no reason to be sorry about it, either. I'm sorry. I want to wrap you up in a huge hug right now. Life just sucks sometimes. I love you and you're in my prayers, nightly.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, your dream WILL come true. And, I'm always here if you need a shoulder.
I'm sorry Craft :( I know how hard it is to see woman after woman getting pregnant while you're still trying. Just hang in there & know you'll have your perfect baby one day.
ReplyDeleteThanks girls, I know that my time will come and I know that every baby is a blessing no matter what it took to get them here. And I know that there are others who have been and are currently where I am right now and that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you all :) you warm my heart and brighten my spirits!